In the movie Groundhog Day, the main character relives the same day over and over. Slowly the day changes as he changes his choices. I've realized I have minutes that feel like that.
Having a little one again has put me back in situations I've been in before. My response to some of these situations is not something I like or am proud of. (For example, waking up angry after a bad night with the baby; feeling like somehow, the Professor and the children should automatically know how tired I am; and thinking that I shouldn't have to get up--someone else should do whatever needs to be done.) The frustrating thing has been that I thought I had learned to to better. After all, I wasn't responding that way anymore. Then I find out that it is just that the situation wasn't that way anymore.
It is so discouraging to over and over again find myself back where I hated to be, in my relationships or my choices or my parenting or my outlook on life. And it feels like I can't easily start over. I pick up where I left off. It may have taken me months or years to get into a dysfunctional pattern, but I slip back into it in mere seconds.
I've finally realized that these minutes are opportunities to keep working on my automatic responses until I slowly get it right. It probably won't happen quickly or soon. I will mess up over and over again as I learn what works and what doesn't. But, eventually, maybe I can learn enough to change how these situations play out. And in doing so, just as happens in that silly movie, I will change. That hope makes the frustration less overwhelming and possibly worth it. Isn't it amazing? I can eventually change until I no longer do (or think or choose) those actions (or thoughts or choices) that I am most ashamed of (or cause the most damage to my relationships or hurt those around me.) Once again, I am reminded of the miracle of the atonement. We can become better than we hope to be.