Groundhog minutes

In the movie Groundhog Day, the main character relives the same day over and over.  Slowly the day changes as he changes his choices.  I've realized I have minutes that feel like that.

Having a little one again has put me back in situations I've been in before.  My response to some of these situations is not something I like or am proud of.  (For example, waking up angry after a bad night with the baby; feeling like somehow, the Professor and the children should automatically know how tired I am; and thinking that I shouldn't have to get up--someone else should do whatever needs to be done.)  The frustrating thing has been that I thought I had learned to to better.  After all, I wasn't responding that way anymore.  Then I find out that it is just that the situation wasn't that way anymore.

It is so discouraging to over and over again find myself back where I hated to be, in my relationships or my choices or my parenting or my outlook on life.  And it feels like I can't easily start over.  I pick up where I left off.  It may have taken me months or years to get into a dysfunctional pattern, but I slip back into it in mere seconds.

I've finally realized that these minutes are opportunities to keep working on my automatic responses until I slowly get it right.  It probably won't happen quickly or soon.  I will mess up over and over again as I learn what works and what doesn't.  But, eventually, maybe I can learn enough to change how these situations play out.  And in doing so, just as happens in that silly movie, I will change.  That hope makes the frustration less overwhelming and possibly worth it.  Isn't it amazing?  I can eventually change until I no longer do (or think or choose) those actions (or thoughts or choices) that I am most ashamed of (or cause the most damage to my relationships or hurt those around me.)  Once again, I am reminded of the miracle of the atonement.  We can become better than we hope to be.

What a difference a nap makes!

Friends and neighbors keep asking how we are doing and how I am feeling.  I've told them we are doing well and that I am tired.  I've figured I was generally doing quite well.  Then this weekend hit, and the short, late nights caught up with me.

Miss S has generally slept well once she sleeps.  But she and I seem to disagree about what time bedtime is.  If the date has changed to tomorrow, it is too late.  We are still teaching her that.  This past week I have been up still at 1 and 1:30 and 2.  (As an aside, I am extremely grateful for the friends who happily drive carpool.  I'm glad I don't have to drive often or far while I'm so tired.)

I'm not sure if it was lack of naps or a cold that seems to have joined the family, but the last few days I've realized that my brain has turned off.  It has taken great effort to remember the word kitchen or laundry room.  Don't ask me to analyze or decide or brainstorm.  That's much too complicated this week.  My children's names are often turned into a list (I eventually get the right one.)  I haven't been able to understand what my kids are saying if more than one of them is talking at a time.  And then there was the time Young M was telling me something.  I was concentrating on understanding each word when I suddenly realized that I had no idea what the whole thing meant.  This morning as I was helping send children to school, each word of some sentences took effort to think of and remember long enough to say.  This doesn't work.

So when Miss S went to sleep this morning while Young T was still in bed, I let Young M play some cool math games on the laptop in my room while I lay down.  I am pleased to report that I can think again.  I can understand things.  I'm sure I need more rest to catch up, but I am functioning again for today.  And that is all I really need today.

Block Sampler 1.31 ~ Churndash

She can open her eyes

It is easiest for me to remember to take pictures when things are calm. Most of the pictures of Miss S are of her sleeping. But, I remembered when she woke upyesterday. And now we have proof that she does wake up. For a true picture of our days I'd have to include one of her during her cranky time, but I'm too busy then to worry about the camera.

Spring Break

We survived Spring Break last week. I think we did pretty well considering it was my first week after my help went home.

We

~wrote invisible ink messages

~went to the dinosaur museum

~drove half of Young M's preschool carpool

~went grocery shopping (with five of the kids)

~took everyone (including the Professor) to IKEA to buy a new table and chairs

~went on a walk

~rode bikes

~had a picnic with neighbors

~slept in

~got the last two children's teeth fixed

~got four recalls fixed on the minivan

~had the piano tuned

~and went to math circle and the library on Saturday

I don't like getting up to get the kids off, but it sure was nice to send them back to school this week.

(By the way, for grandmas and other interested parties, I have added a picture to my last post.)

Introducing Miss S

Miss S joined our family three and a half weeks ago. We've enjoyed having a little one again.

Miss S waited to come until the last minute. (She was born early in the morning the day I was to be induced.)

Thankfully, Young T has accepted our new baby. When she cries he tells me, "Baby's mad." If she doesn't calm down he tells me, "Baby needs a drink." And he loves to give her the sweetest hugs. Of course he still needs lots of extra hugs and doesn't like having to share me, but we can work with that.

The kids fight over sitting by the baby in the car. Young M was excited to sit next to Miss S and help her. When Young T started singing from his seat, "Don't cry, Miss S. Don't cry." (repeat) to the tune of "Let's go Cougars. Let's go." Young M got quite upset. It was supposed to be his turn to help her. (Sigh. Must they fight? Apparently.)

Know that we are sleepy and well here.

My dilemma

I have a dilemma. True, it is a silly one that I have little control over, but nevertheless, I'm still left wondering. Today is a holiday we enjoy celebrating at our house, Pi Day. Our favorite way to celebrate includes circles, notably, the circles found around tasty pies. So the question is: do I want this baby born today or not?

Pros: I'm tired of this waiting game. It would totally fit our family to have a Pi Day baby. The professor just finished teaching for the day. So it wouldn't be too inconvenient. And it's got to be better than the Ides of March, right?

Cons: Unless the baby decides to embrace the pie tradition, the birthday will have to take precedence over the holiday. We may end up eating (gasp) cake on Pi Day. Or not celebrating Pi Day at all.

I suppose it is a good thing I don't actually get much choice here. This baby has a mind of its own. We'll be happy to welcome him/her to the family whenever it's time.