And how do you like your cereal?

Yesterday I took all five children to the grocery store. As we were shopping another lady started chatting with us. Noticing the boxes of Peanut Butter Captain Crunch in the cart, she told Eliza that we seemed to be buying the same thing she was. Then I heard her ask me, "Do you like yours with booze, too?" I didn't know quite what to say. I've heard of using orange juice instead of milk, but not booze. After a moment she clarified, she enjoyed her peanut butter cereal with the chocolate Boo cereal. She claimed it was just like Reese's. Ah. Suddenly it all made much more sense.

My choice

~Each day I waste my gifts and time on mundane jobs that nobody appreciates. I do everything nobody else wants to so that my husband and my children can go out into the world and enjoy and succeed. Each day, I sacrifice my career, my fulfillment, and my basic needs so that others can have them. I work overtime so they don't have to. No matter how much I do, it is never done and never enough. No matter which knee I kiss or which stomach I feed another need is waiting. I never pray enough, or read enough scriptures, or exercise enough. I eat too many sweets, crave too much sleep, and waste too much time on the computer. Life is hard.~

~Each day, my husband goes to work so that we can have our needs met. Each day, he works so that I can stay home and bless our lives and provide the stability and continuity the children need so much. Each day, I make a difference as I teach and comfort my children. Every time I exercise, pray, or read scriptures, I am strengthened. Each day I feed the hungry, clothe the naked, and lift up the hands that hang down. I am blessed to spend my days in the service of my children and my husband and my God. My husband misses so much of the sweetness of parenting so that I can be here for it. I am blessed to use my gifts in our house to enrich our lives. As I create a clean home, delicious food, comfortable children, and a safe haven, I create joy for myself and others. I am so blessed.~

Each day I choose with my thoughts and my words. Each day I teach my children that either I am downtrodden and oppressed or that I am uplifted and blessed. Each time I choose, I create a reality.

Which will I choose today?

Be still my heart

Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ~Elizabeth Stone

Before I was married, I was free to think and choose only for me. When I got married, I gave my heart away. My thoughts and choices were now split between my wants and needs and the Professor's wants and needs. As the children have joined us, my heart has been split and given to each of them.

Shortly after we were married, the World Trade Center was attacked. That morning, I vividly remember needing to get to my husband. As long as I was with him, I could face whatever came. Until then, my heart's demands to gather my little family drowned out any other need or desire I had at the moment.

Later, I was driving home with Miss M as my baby. We got caught in a blizzard. Again, I had an overwhelming need to gather my family, preferably at home. During the long drive inching slowly toward our little apartment, all I wanted was to be home with my husband and my family. Once home, the blizzard could rage all night, and I wouldn't care.

When Young T was born, he was whisked away to the NICU for a few hours. I had hardly gotten to hold him, much less get to know him, before they took him. While he was gone I thought I was doing pretty well at staying positive. The nurse asked me more than once how I was or if I needed anything. I kept replying that I was fine, and the only thing I needed was my baby. When he was finally brought to me, I relaxed. I hadn't realized how tensely I had been waiting for him until he was in my arms. Finally, all was right with my little world.

This year, the Professor has been traveling. His trips for work have been as exotic as Hawaii or Ireland and as mundane as the Midwest or California. Throw in a few trips with the family and one with the young men in our church and he's been rather busy. I miss him. Today as I checked his flights to see where he was, I realized that I've been kind of holding my breath just as I did all those other times. All week, I've been very aware that he isn't here. I think about what he's doing and what time it is. I don't want to go somewhere if he might be available to chat. I've been waiting without even realizing it. When he got back in the States, the tension eased. I'll relax more when he is in this state. And when he is finally here, my family will be gathered and I can stop worrying about the rest of the world. My heart is coming home.

Sweet things.

Today, I am grateful.

I am grateful for peripheral stereo vision and sweet children. I am grateful for a curly mohawk and friends. I am grateful for naps and repentance. I am grateful for the summer. I am grateful for my husband and to be home with my kids. I am grateful for an increased appreciation of both of those blessings. I am grateful for strawberries and ice cream and cookies and milk. I am grateful for a chance to make my life and home into a comfortable, content place for my family. I am grateful for hot water. I am grateful for health.

Next, I think I will be grateful for bed.

Update

(Young A and Miss M long ago)
The small ones are sleeping and the smallish ones are on their way. The pink eye is quickly retreating. Calm has descended where earlier chaos reigned.

You are forewarned...

Do not wake up my baby. Otherwise I will send you to time out for the week.

And should you feel inclined to whine/cry/scream at me today, don't bother. There are five people ahead of you in line, and they have done more than enough for the next week.

Should you happen to find an extra night's sleep lying around, please send it my way. I could desperately use it.

And should you be misguided enough to want some pink eye/croupy stuff/teething?/congested cough/allergies, let me know. We've got lots and lots to share.

I keep thinking, "This has to stop sometime. I can't do this much longer." And then the Lord says, "Let's find out if you can." I'd rather not.

Musical reminder

Our choir sang a beautiful song yesterday. I enjoyed being reminded that there is more to life than me and my problems.

Lord, Speak to Me

Lord, speak to me that I may speak

In living echoes of Thy tone;

As Thou has sought, so let me seek

Thine erring children lost and lone.

O lead me, Lord, that I may lead

The wandering and the wavering feet;

O feed me, Lord, that I may feed

Thy hungering ones with manna sweet.

O teach me, Lord, that I may teach

The precious things Thou dost impart;

And wing my words, that they may reach

The hidden depths of many a heart.

O fill me with Thy fullness, Lord,

Until my very heart overflow

In kindling thought and glowing word,

Thy love to tell, Thy praise to show.

O use me, Lord, use even me,

Just as Thou wilt, and when, and where,

Until Thy blessèd face I see,

Thy rest, Thy joy, Thy glory share

Words: Frances Havergal, 1872