Home from church

Some days, they don't make it very far into the house before they are stuck.

My heart

Scrolling through pictures recently, I realized how much of my heart goes with me from home to home.  While the pain created by goodbyes are real, the joy that travels with me continues to grow, slowly healing many of the holes left in my heart.

The Great Lake

 My children like water, especially lots of it where it doesn't belong.  A few weeks ago, on the first day that was warm enough, they created a lake.

Today

Today, I am focusing on two ideas...

1~ A reminder:  "What excuses do I cling to that keep me from being the kind of wife, mother, daughter, sister, and woman that I know I should and want to be?"  Adapted from here.

2~ A new goal:  To keep my house clean enough to bring myself and those around me joy.  (Note:  This implies neither the chaotic extreme nor the pristine extreme.  Neither brings me joy.)  (Note2: The answer to what this means changes daily.) 

...and enjoying the beauty blooming in my yard.

Dinner Entertainment

Yesterday, I had one of those entertaining mom moments.  We seldom have jello, but decided to have some yesterday.  Watching Young M and Miss E try to figure out how to eat this stuff was delightful.  Forks didn't work.  Neither did knives.  Fingers seemed promising only to have victory slip straight through them.  Here was a pile of tastiness right in front of them, but how to eat it?  Finally, we suggested spoons.

Simple Reminders

First, a reminder that I can do hard things with help from the Lord.

"Hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? there is no searching of his understanding.

He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.

Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall;

But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."  Isaiah 40:28-31

Today, for me, this wasn't talking about physically weary, although that is often apt enough.  It was talking about emotionally weary.

Next, a reminder of the gentle understanding the Lord has of some of my current limitations.

"He shall feed his flock like a shepherd: he shall gather the lambs with his arm, and carry them in his bosom, and shall gently lead those that are with young."  Isaiah 40:11

I suppose it is time to trust the Lord enough to keep moving forward.

Again

I've moved my fair share of times in my life, most of them after I got married.  While there was a nice four year stint in one place, in the seven and a half years we've been married, we've lived in five different homes.  In the last year, we've been in three.  And soon we will add one more to those counts.  

I've loved getting to know different cultures and areas of our country.  I've learned to be more compassionate and understanding of those whose lives have been different than mine.  I've learned to appreciate the unique beauty of both the land and the people I've found in each place.  And today I am sick of it.  

I'm tired of feeling like I'm either saying goodbye or just getting to know the people and conventions around me.  I miss the friendships that develop over years, of having someone that will come over just because I call.  I've left a bit of my heart behind in each place I've been.  Today, I feel the holes that have been left.  

In a year I will be more settled.  I will know the names and faces of those around me.  My children will be excited to return to the same school for more than one grade.  We've never tried that.  I won't see every thing in my home as more work that must be packed, moved, unpacked, and decided about.  In a year we will have put down roots.  Hopefully, I will have friends that are closer than email and oftener than the phone.  But today, I am lonely and mourning the pulling up of my family and the new hole we are about to create in my heart.